Once there was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He
became very depressed because he had been an avid golfer. One day, in
despair, he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator, went to
the top of a building and prepared to jump.
As he was standing on the ledge looking down, he saw a man skipping
along, whooping and hollering, and kicking up his heels. He looked
closer and saw that the man didn’t have ANY arms. He started
thinking… what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still
have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms
skipping down the sidewalk. He’s happy and is going on with his life.
He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him
how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and
felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for
saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if that
guy could go on with no arms at all.
The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his
heels again. He asked, ‘Why are you so happy anyway?’
SIMPLE TRUTH 1
Partners help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you’re screwed.
SIMPLE TRUTH 2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying “congrats”.
But, none of them come and touch the man’s penis and say “Good job”.
Moral of the story: “Hard work is never appreciated.
SIMPLE TRUTH 3
No Underwear - Makes Sense to Me
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
‘Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!’ he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance without answering.
‘Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?’ he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said, ‘Well….last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma’s idea.’
FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole’s name.
3. If you help someone when they’re in trouble, they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.
This is legit. I checked it out myself at https://www.iardc.org Stands for Illinois Attorney Registration And Disciplinary Committee. It’s the official arm of lawyer discipline in Illinois; and they are very strict and mean as hell. (Talk about irony.) Even I, at the advanced age of almost 65, maintain (at the cost of approximately $600/year) my law license that I worked so hard and long to earn.
Former Constitutional Law Lecturer and U.S. President Makes Up Constitutional Quotes During State Of The Union (SOTU) Address.
1. President Barack Obama, former editor of the Harvard Law Review, is no longer a “lawyer”. He surrendered his license back in 2008 in order to escape charges he lied on his bar application.
A “Voluntary Surrender” is not something where you decide “Gee, a license is not really something I need anymore, is it?” and forget to renew your license. No, a “Voluntary Surrender” is something you do when you’ve been accused of something, and you ‘voluntarily surrender” your license five seconds before the state suspends you.
2 Michelle Obama “voluntarily surrendered” her law license in 1993. after a Federal Judge gave her the choice between surrendering her license or standing trial for Insurance fraud!
3. So, we have the first black President and First Lady - who don’t actually have licenses to practice law. Facts.
4. A senior lecturer is one thing, a fully ranked law professor is another. Barack Obama was NOT a Constitutional Law Professor at the University of Chicago.
5. The University of Chicago released a statement in March 2008 saying Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) “served as a professor” in the law school-but that is a title Obama, who taught courses there part-time, never held, a spokesman for the school confirmed in 2008.
6. “He did not hold the title of Professor of Law,” said Marsha Ferziger Nagorsky, an Assistant Dean for Communications and Lecturer in Law at the University of Chicago School of Law.
7. The former Constitutional Senior Lecturer (Obama) cited the U.S. Constitution the other night during his State of the Union Address. Unfortunately, the quote he cited was from the Declaration of Independence … not the Constitution.
9. Free Republic: In the State of the Union Address, President Obama said: “We find unity in our incredible diversity, drawing on the promise enshrined in our Constitution: the notion that we are all created equal.
10. Um, wrong citing, wrong founding document there Champ, I mean Mr. President. By the way, the promises are not a notion, our founders named them unalienable rights. The document is our Declaration of Independence and it reads:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
11. And this is the same guy who lectured the Supreme Court moments later in the same speech?
When you are a phony it’s hard to keep facts straight.