August 2011
73 posts
Be Proud To Be White
Michael Richards makes his point … and whether we like it or not, he is telling the truth.
Michael Richards, better known as Kramer from TV’s Seinfeld does make a good point.
This was his defense speech in court after making racial comments in his comedy act.
He makes some very interesting points …
Someone finally said it. How many are actually paying attention to this?
There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, etc.
And then there are just Americans … You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction.
You call me ‘White boy,’ ‘Cracker,’ ‘Honkey,’ ‘Whitey,’ ‘Caveman’ … and that’s OK …
But when I call you, Nigger, Kike, Towel head, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink … You call
me a racist.
You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you …
So why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?
You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day.
You have
Black History Month.
You have Cesar Chavez Day.
You have Yom Hashoah.
You have Ma’uled Al-Nabi.
You have the NAACP.
You have BET….
If we had WET (White Entertainment Television), we’d be racists.
If we had a White Pride Day, you would call us racists.
If we had White History Month, we’d be racists.
If we had any organization for only whites to ‘advance’ OUR lives, we’d be racists.
We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce, and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce.
Wonder who pays for that??
A white woman could not be in the Miss Black
American pageant, but any color can be in the Miss America pageant.
If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships … you know we’d be racists.
There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US ….
Yet if there were ‘White colleges’, that would be a racist college.
In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights.
If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.
You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you’re not afraid to announce it..
But when we announce our white
pride, you call us racists..
You rob us, car jack us, and shoot at us.
But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist.
I am proud … But you call me a racist.
Why is it that only whites can be racists??
There is nothing improper about this e-mail …
Let’s see which of you are proud enough to send it on.
I sadly don’t think many will.
That’s why we have LOST most of OUR RIGHTS in this country.
We won’t stand up for ourselves!
BE “PROUD” TO BE WHITE!
It’s not a crime YET… but getting very close!
It is
Wise words
The rent controlled council houses in the UK are owned by the local authority and every single repair is undertaken by the local authority. Even to replacing burnt out light bulbs. Only in Britain –Complaints to Councils
Extracts from letters written to local councils:
1. It’s the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.
11. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it’s now getting too much for me.
16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
18.. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
21.. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can’t get BBC2.
22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
23. He’s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can’t take it anymore.
Jews and Chinese doing business
A Chinese goes to a Jew to buy black bras size 38.
The Jew, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers.
Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.
The Chinese buys 25 pairs.
He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.
The Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.
The Chinese returns a month later and buys the Jew’s remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each.
The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black bras and asks the Chinese, please tell me:
What do you do with all these black bras?
The Chinese answers: ‘I cut them in half and sell the halves as skull caps to the Jews for $200.00 each.
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Rodney Dangerfield on the recession
The recession has hit everybody really hard…
My neighbour got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can’t afford batteries.
CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.
My cousin had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
And, finally….
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
DEATH ROW EXECUTION?
AN ACTUAL DEATH ROW EXECUTION IN ARKANSAS . NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH.
GAS CHAMBER
I’m only sending this to those I know are in favor of the death penalty. Violence should have serious consequences, and the punishment should reflect the crime.
The Arkansas Gas
Chamber
Not a pretty way to die, but extremely effective. Since this gas chamber was pressed into service… Violent crime in Arkansas has dropped by 90%.
“
I failed a Health and Safety course at work today.
One of the questions was:
“In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?”
“Fuckin’ large ones” was apparently the wrong answer.
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The English Plural
The English Plural according to….
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
Englishmuffins weren’t invented in England.
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing,
Grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
What do you call it?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
And in which an alarm goes off by going on. And in closing……….
If Father is Pop, how come Mother’s not Mop.???
Priceless Observations
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, “Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.”
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: – “No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..
- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
Money can’t buy you happiness … But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery
- Spike Milligan
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was “SHUT UP”.
- Joe Namath
I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.
- Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers
Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill
Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty … But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal
And the cardiologist’s diet: If it tastes good, spit it out!
May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but happiness come through your door.
APHORISM: A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE THAT EXPRESSES A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH.
1. The nicest thing about the future is …. that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3.. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important…because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a cat … and you will have a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a..m. - like, it could be the right number.
13. No one ever says “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.
14. I’ve reached the age where ‘happy hour’ is a nap.
15. Be careful about reading the fine print… . there’s no way you’re going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)
18. Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Yugo.
19. After 60, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you’re probably dead.
20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind … . and the ones that mind don’t matter.
21. Life isn’t tied with a bow . .……. . but it’s still a gift.
REMEMBER….POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON”.
“THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD”
—A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.
Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn’t remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous.
When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, “The Lord is my Shepherd, and that’s all I need to know.”
Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn’t remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous.
When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, “The Lord is my Shepherd, and that’s all I need to know.”
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